He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
