Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You have to summon your inner elephant
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
