Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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