would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
