can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
