So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize