I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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