So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
