It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
