she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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