Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
