Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
