I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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