Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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