did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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