On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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