Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
