Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
