It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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