...so i touched it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
