Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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