im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish I only lived at night.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
