i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
