please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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