Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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