Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
