I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
