Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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