I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
