haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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