I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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