sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
