ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
