I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
