I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
