anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize