You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
