I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
