I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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