I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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