So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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