i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this beer tastes like vomit already
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize