I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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