You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
