i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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