remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
