wrigley field is MILF paradise
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
