I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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