i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's never too late to be topless.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize