Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
