The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
