I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
