I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
