I looked at my own cervix.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
