she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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