dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This baby is an asshole
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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