I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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