i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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