i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
