she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Rumble strips road head = magical
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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