I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
