you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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