kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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