but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
