Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
