It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize