Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
As shirtless as possible
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
