and you said cock pushups were impossible
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
