She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
