The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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