UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
