And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
