My room smells like vodka and shame
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
from now on my penis is your penis
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize