I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
