I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize