I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
