I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
