Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
