Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
