the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
