I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
what day is it and did you see me today?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize