when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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