please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
