Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
